James Urbaniak ([info]urbaniak) wrote,
@ 2005-11-09 14:23:00
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Urbani-prov
Yesterday was my second day on "Across the Universe," the Julie Taymor Beatles musical. A bar in Red Hook, Brooklyn played the part of Greenwich Village's legendary "Cafe Wah?" I spent a long day in my little trailer waiting for my closeup. Passed the time by reading the new Beatles biography.

Today I auditioned for the new David Gordon Green film "Snow Angels," based on the novel by Stewart O'Nan. Role is that of a high school band teacher, described in the script as "androgynous." I wore my wife's old Fort Atkinson (WI) High School sweater (it's bright red and says "Fort" under a picture of an Indian) and some big round 80s glasses I own, but other than that I didn't really concern myself with androgyny. Quite an enjoyable audition actually; Mr. Green asked me to improvise and I was a regular Eugene Levy.

Speaking of improvisation, next week I have an audition for the new Aaron Sorkin series "Studio 7," which is a behind-the-scenes drama about a "Saturday Night Live"-type show. (Which, coincidentally, is also the concept of the Tina Fey pilot that I auditioned for a few months ago.) As part of this audition I have to do some sort of comedy bit/improv of my own design. I have an idea but for the moment I'm keeping it under wraps. All I can say is watch your back, Gary Kroeger.

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[info]howgooditcanget
2005-11-09 07:49 pm UTC (link)
Mr. Green asked me to improvise and I was a regular Eugene Levy.

I can't wait until you're starring along side the Olsen twins.

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[info]tfofurn
2005-11-09 07:55 pm UTC (link)
I was a regular Eugene Levy.

I feel ready for whatever the experience is that we will . . . take with us after the show. I'm sure it will be . . . an adventure . . . a voyage on this . . . magnificent vessel . . . into unchartered waters! What if we see sailfish . . . jumping . . . and flying across the magnificent orb of a setting sun?

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[info]amara_anon
2005-11-09 09:17 pm UTC (link)
XD I love A Mighty Wind.

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[info]urbaniak
2005-11-09 11:21 pm UTC (link)
"We dig what you do."

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[info]ninjaguydan
2005-11-09 08:01 pm UTC (link)
how 'bout a blogger sketch? Haven't seen one yet...


-)

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[info]urbaniak
2005-11-10 02:17 am UTC (link)
The Blogger Sketch
(all names taken from Friends of Voucher Ankles)

A: Bloggers these days sure have funny names.
B: Yeah, like what?
A: I wear flannel.
B: You do? Great. But tell me one of these blogger names.
A: I told you: I wear flannel!
B: I wear microfiber, who cares? Give me the name of a blogger!
A (quietly): Sick kitten.
B: What did you say?
A: Sick kitten!
B: Now you're insulting me? Who do you think I am?!
A: Nagasaki's whore?
B: Don't make me angry! You know what I'm like when I'm angry?
A: Acid queen.
B: That does it! (Punches A in the face.)
A: Broken china doll!
B: Well, boo hoo hoo! If you'd told me the name of a blogger I wouldn't have punched you.
A: No good user names!
B: Fine! Forget it! You know what you are?
A: Eternal slacker?
B: No! You're a--
A: Mod pixie?
B: Shut up! You're an idiot! Our friendship is over!
A: Big dark cloud.
B: That's right! We're finished! What do ya think of that!
A: Twisted thoughts.
B: I'll bet! Goodbye!
(B storms off. Pause.)
A: I miss Portland...

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[info]ninjaguydan
2005-11-10 02:33 am UTC (link)
So who's on first?

-)

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[info]toddalcott
2005-11-09 08:09 pm UTC (link)
How is that Beatles book? I'm usually keen on Beatles biographies, but it's 1000 pages long. And all the reviews say "You think you know the Beatles? Well you don't know anything. Get a load of what Bob Spitz has turned up." and then they go on to describe some commonly-known piece of Beatles information, like "Did you know that Ringo Starr was not their first drummer?" and "Did you know that John Lennon wore glasses?" and "The Beatles often quarrelled about management issues."

And isn't the first sentence something like "Twanggg! The familiar sound of George Harrison's guitar wafted across the front yard of the McCartney's Liverpool home..."?

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[info]urbaniak
2005-11-09 11:00 pm UTC (link)
Paul: Bob Spitz.
John: Not very polite of him.
Ringo: I luv the way he swims.
George: That's Mark Spitz.
John: Mark spits as well? Manners are dead.
Paul: So are you.
Ringo: Ouch!
George: Touche!
John: Am I really? I wondered why I hadn't had a hit since 1980.
Paul: You and Lipps, Inc. (sings): "Won't you take me to: Funkytown!"
John: Give it a rest.
Paul: Like you?
Ringo: Whoa!
George: And McCartney is two for two!
John: What are you crowing about, George? You shuffled off this mortal coil yourself.
George: True. But I haven't got my wings yet.
John: What do you want "Wings" for? They suck.
Paul: I heard that.
John: You can still hear? How does that explain your last album?
Paul: You bastard.
John: Don't speak ill of the dead.
Ringo: Gentlemen, please! Give peace a chance!
George: Careful. You'll have to pay John royalties.
Paul: Well, who does he think he is?
John: I don't know, I'll check the book. "Call me Ishmael." Oops. Wrong book. (Produces Beatles biography) "John Lennon founded the Beatles. The End." (Closes book) What a fascinating account.
Paul: Let me see that. "Paul was the best Beatle." Riveting!
Ringo: It doesn't say that!
Paul: How do you know? You can't read.
Ringo: Give us that book. (reads) "Paul was the best Beatle." My God, it does say that. Wait a minute. (Looks closer) That's written in the margins in crayon.
Paul (surreptitiously eating a crayon): Really?
George: How novel.
John: If it says Paul was the best Beatle it's definitely a novel.
Paul: Even extinction has done nothing to silence your slanderous tongue.
John: That line is from "Loot" by Joe Orton.
Paul: Here's line from "Glengarry Glen Ross" by David Mamet: Fuck you.
John: Most unBeatle-like.
George: "The cute one" is angry!
Paul: I wish "the quiet one" would shut up.
John: "The smart one" says fuck the lot of you.
Ringo: Guys! Listen to what it says on the last page: "And they all lived happily ever after. The End."
(Pause)"
The Beatles: Merry Christmas Everyone!

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[info]toddalcott
2005-11-09 11:32 pm UTC (link)
Very amusing.

Of course, you got one thing slightly wrong. "Give Peace a Chance," although clearly written by John Lennon, is a bona-fide Lennon/McCartney song as far as royalty distributors are concerned. So George's comment should reflect that. He should say something like "Careful. Although John is the author of 'Give Peace a Chance,' it is in fact credited for legal purposes as a Lennon/McCartney composition, which means that you would owe royalties to both John and Paul (although, of course, at this point it means you would owe royalties to Yoko Ono and Paul)."

Otherwise, a very funny pastiche.

(Royalties, of course, are a real sore point with George Harrison. His song "Only a Northern Song" is about just this subject.)

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[info]eronanke
2005-11-10 12:47 am UTC (link)
PS- Last election, I voted for Lipps Inc. for President in '04. I'll do so again in '08. I truely believe that they will take all citizens of this fine nation to Funkytown!

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[info]brokenchinadol
2005-11-09 08:14 pm UTC (link)
Oh! Good luck with the David Gordon Green movie. Have you seen his film "Undertow"? It fits nicely in the vein of those "Night of the Hunter"/"Cape Fear"/"Robert Mitchum is a Bad Man" movies...

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[info]eronanke
2005-11-09 09:09 pm UTC (link)
You'll put the 'pro' in imPROv.


Oh, god, I'm sorry. That just sucked.

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[info]urbaniak
2005-11-09 11:23 pm UTC (link)
I put the imp in improv.

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[info]eronanke
2005-11-10 12:36 am UTC (link)
Does that make you mischevious or just tiny?

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Cream Soda
[info]toliverchap
2005-11-09 09:30 pm UTC (link)
Do a bit about cream soda. What the hell is with cream soda? Who are the ad wizards that came up that that? Why does this vending machine in the halls of said backstage of Studio 7 only have cream soda? Are there different varieties? What Cinnamon, Liquorice, what is this stuff made in England! Diet! Why? Then sounter off.

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Re: Cream Soda
[info]urbaniak
2005-11-10 02:32 am UTC (link)
I can see Aaron Sorkin's reaction: "Okaaaay..."

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All I can say is watch your back, Gary Kroeger.
[info]big_lee
2005-11-10 06:55 am UTC (link)
I just shot water from out of my nose and did a spit-take when I read that. Well played.

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[info]___acid_queen
2005-11-10 09:40 am UTC (link)
you own big round 80's glasses? *bursts out lauging* trying to picture it.. trying to picture it.. lol i can't!
and awesome beatles thing. i'm still laughing about the "merry christmas" in the end. classic.

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[info]urbaniak
2005-11-11 04:29 am UTC (link)
They're actually these. They let me keep them and I thought they might come in handy some day. They finally did.

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[info]___acid_queen
2005-11-12 12:30 am UTC (link)
lol. oh lordy. [i can't believe i just said "oh lordy"!] see what you did?

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