James Urbaniak (urbaniak) wrote,
James Urbaniak

Actual bumper sticker...

...on the back of a shiny, new Toyota Matrix parked in my neighborhood.

Now an anti-Hillary bumper sticker is one thing. But an anti-Hillary bumper sticker like this wins you a cardboard top hat and big red sash that says "MAYOR OF CRAZYTOWN." I have just one question: What the hell is this person trying to say?

The sputtering woman-hatred is clear enough but after that the message gets a little...fuzzy. Okay. So the frigid bitches are Hillary supporters. And/or feminists. And/or women who won't have sex with the author of the bumper sticker. Anyway, whoever they are, Hillary is their daughter. Sorry, "daugther." As opposed to the more rhetorically common "sister." Because...er....these hateful women have...birthed...Hillary's Presidential campaign? Anybody??

"What else" must Hillary do to become President, we are asked. In addition to, presumably, the bad things she's done already. These aren't mentioned (I doubt space was an issue, it's a very large bumper sticker) but I'm guessing the bumper sticker author (BSA) is referring not so much to negative campaigning as to telepathic brainwaves that Hillary sent to BSA's wife to make her divorce him.* I'm just spitballing here, people.

A note on the comma: At first glance, it appears superfluous. There's no need to put a comma after "do." BSA can't spell, why should we assume he knows anything about punctuation? But maybe he's going for dramatic effect. The comma creates a nice pause before the scary final phrase. What else must Hillary do...TO BECOME PRESIDENT! DUN, DUN, DUNNN. But then why not use ellipses? We may never have the answers to these questions.

Speaking of punctuation, how about those parentheses? In the text of some of his plays David Mamet puts certain lines and phrases in parentheses to suggest, he says, that the actor deliver them with a quieter, perhaps more internal quality. If this bumper sticker were a play an actor could certainly do worse than shouting "TELL US!" and then going sotto voce on "...you frigid bitches..." Why it's downright Mametian. Hey, wait a minute. Nahhhhh. It couldn't be.

It's cut out of the photo but to the upper right of the bumper sticker was a decal of an American eagle head against the stars and stripes. (Why this gung-ho American drives a Japanese car is another mystery for the ages.) The whole effect was really quite stunning, this shiny black compact station wagon parked on a leafy Santa Monica street bearing the bumper sticker equivalent of a crazy guy muttering to himself.

*I am assuming BSA is a man but who knows. It could be a batshit woman. Stranger things have happened.

Update 8:55 pm: From the always incisive mcbrennan: 'See, now my first glancing reading of this led me to believe it was somehow an anti-Obama sticker--"what else must she do?!"--an exasperated rant against those traitorous women who are supporting Obama. But then I re-read it and re-re-read it and now...all I can tell you is that I think it started off in Mandarin and then was translated into Finnish before reaching its current form.' I like this take. The bumper sticker, while still crazy, is now grounded in logic. The "frigid bitches" are the female BSA's sisters of liberal Santa Monica, the middle-aged front guard of the feminist movement who did indeed labor to "give birth" to the prospect of a woman president. Now, at the dawn of a dream realized, they coldly turn away from their "daughter." As far as I'm concerned, that settles it.

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